AARGHH!! YOU MUST LEARN TO SAY AARGHH!!

Just when you thought all the fun ideas had been published, produced, and patented, along comes a no-brainer like this one to make you smack your head V8 style. Patrick Coughlin (aka: Captain Squint) hails from New Jersey and runs the Black Dagger pirate ship in the Harbour Town Yacht Basin. He is the total go-to guy if you want to watch your kids have the best time since Universal Studios opened their doors.

Bring lots of money and buccaneers aged 3-10 years and let the games begin. Captain Squint and his crew of reprobates, who look suspiciously like American college kids (don’t be fooled by the straight white teeth, it’s part of the act so you’ll feel comfortable allowing them to take your children out onto the high seas with their newly painted tattoos), begin training the kids thirty minutes before the cruise on the dock by the Harbour Town Lighthouse. Pirate tutorial includes dressing in the exclusive vest and bandana, swaggering about, learning to pronounce ahoy! correctly, and yelling AAARRGGGHH!!! so loudly, you will swear Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom have just fled their Quarterdeck bar tab.

Now, they stomp down the dock to the Black Dagger pirate ship (amidst adult onlookers’ guffaws) where they will board for the high seas and hunt for treasure. They leave the harbor cruising the Calibogue Sound, preparing for the treasure hunt. But wait! What’s this? Another pirate coming to foil their mission? AYE-AYE! Here comes Stinky Pete armed with a sword and Neutrogena spf 70, coming to steal the treasure map from the pirates of the Black Dagger. What happens next? Good thing Captain Squint has equipped the ship with water cannons to defend against any n’er-do-wells who might try to muddy up the seas, so to speak. Fortunately, crewmember Dastardly Dan brought along his trusty digital Canon to capture this incredible sea battle for YouTube, which is just as funny as it sounds like it would be.

Your kids will revel on this voyage with a little more room and ease if you book your reservations earlier in the week, says Captain Squint. By Thursday, the dock is crowded with grouchy outlaws and villains who are tired, cranky, and sun burnt because they waited all week to board the ship. You may guard against the last of these beach condo plagues by stopping at The Vacation Company and picking up some complimentary Banana Boat sunscreen packets.


Visit the Pirates of Hilton Head website for further excitement, adventure music, and pictures of Black Dagger treasure hunters past, to make reservations for your crew of miscreants. Cost is $24/kid, $30/adult. Be sure to bring extra $$$ for post-cruise Pirates-logoed keepsakes and marina grub – another good reason to board the cruise earlier in the week when you still have loot to spend. Call with any questions or for reservations, 843-363-7000.

And if you can’t make it this year, Squint tells us that next year the Black Dagger will return to Hilton Head with more exciting adventures for interested pirates.

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