Hi folks. I’m Sam, the Beach Beagle on Hilton Head, pinch-hitting again for Blog Angel because – as Johnny D says – she has too much going on, and gets her head stuck someplace up her keister – a place I can’t reach because I’m short-legged. My job is to bring things into focus around here, and get the word out about the only important thing in the world I can think of, right?
A 1,500 LB MEATBALL.
Okay, let me begin again. Because these two knuckleheads, Mom and Johnny D, are so strung out, with all their shi-shi events, I knew this blog was going to wind up in my food dish. See, Mom gets side-tracked with all kinds of dumb PR stuff, forgetting about important things like the Loggerhead Turtle necklaces she sells at the * Italian Club Events,* to help save the little turtle hatchling nests on the beaches at the Coastal Discovery Museum, because a couple weeks ago, she had to dress up like Marilyn Monroe, like last year, to surprise Johnny D, who’s president of the IACHH (that stands for the the Italian.-American. Club. Of. Hilton. Head. for those of you, Unawares), on his birthday for the annual Omni ZinFest, in October.
Except, that little bright bulb idea fritzed-out pretty quick this year for a couple reasons, so she’s running around like a nut, telling everyone that they suck; meanwhile Johnny D, has to be in the dark about it, because he’s supposed to be organizing the annual ZinFest at the Omni Hotel – ON HIS BIRTHDAY, like the JFK bash a bunch of years ago – because she’s got to surprise him again, and it works; but by the end of the night, I don’t think we could take anymore Marilyn surprises as you can see.
[You know, last year, Marilyn sang after a guy named Matthew stormed through here, now that I think about it. Maybe Marilyn needs strong winds to ride around on her broomstick.]
Awright, just like BlogAngel, I digressed a momento, here… where was I…
So, Irma comes up from Florida, whirling around, totally ruining the whole Eating Feast, the Hilton Head, Italian-American Club (IACHH) hosts every year for St. Januarius, (which is SAN GENNARO, to you discerning Italian-Americans out there), while SOMEONE IS SUPPOSED TO MAINTAIN CLARITY ON THE GIANT, DRIPPING, 1,500 LB MEATBALL.
So, the seed for this world meatball record thing got started like, kinda’ like a small snow ball rolling down a hill in Meshanticut Valley Parkway, which is where we used to live in Cranston, Rhode Island, eight years ago like, in this picture, when Johnny D and I were still getting to know each other.
I was trying to mind my manners, but back then, when I was fresh out of “college” (that’s what the boys on the Hill said, when one of their buddies went someplace for a while), if a guy was cooking ground beef, Johnny D always says, FUGGETABOUTIT! There was no way, I was going to sit on my duff with the moonie milk chocolate eyes my Mom likes, with a little paw at the ready…
No way, when Johnny starts rolling a meatball, and then says, “I’ll make one as big as your head, Sam!” Well. I can’t even think straight, now.
A meatball as big as my head? How big is my head? Mom’s always smooching it, so it can’t be that big, but then I’ve got a lot of thoughts in my head, and she also likes my velvet lop-ears, so, it must be pretty big to handle all that, right? Smooches, thoughts, and velvet lops? How big a meatball is Johnny D talking about?
Well, I’m telling you now, 1,500 lbs of meatball is more than my beagle brain can handle every couple minutes without getting vertigo, maybe drooling, and my back knees buckling; I am aged 70 -ish dog years, which may be the average Hilton Head Island resident demographic, but it doesn’t mean I’m like Snoopy the Red Baron, flying around at night on top of his doghouse. I’m just Sam the Beach Beagle, trying to hold it all together down here on Governors Road sucking it up occasionally, for BlogAngel.
So now, Johnny D’s at the Veteran’s Day Memorial event which is very important, and we’re out of ink cartridges and paper, and they got a rule around here that whoever uses it last has to restock the printer, so I better run to Staples before Blog Angel wakes from her nap – she likes her naps – in the mornings, because she works late night with Rachel Maddow and Seth Myers (yeah, really yukking it up with those two, with pencils sticking out of her pony tail and Johnny D, snoring away on the sofa).
The current world record for the largest meatball stands at 1,100 lbs, which is pretty big, when you think about it. So our own genius engineer, Joe Carpinteri, who designed the oven (with a little input from another member, a retired NASA guy) to conduct heat with like, big stainless steel prongs to go inside the meatball, and then there’s this whole POD- RIGHT- THEY HAD TO MAKE A POD – to hold the meat in like a form, so it wouldn’t all fall apart while it was cooking, which, I told them I could spread my body around it and hold the thing with my four paws, but Johnny D thought maybe, I was getting carried away. I could see he was getting that look on his face he gets, when it’s time for me to walk outside and shake it off… you know…
All right you guys, darn, I don’t have time to tell you anything else, except be there next weekend sharp in the morning, because of the 5k race, and limited parking, and tv cameras and the Guinness Book of World Record people….
What: Meatball Madness Guinness World Record Challenge – 8t Annual Hilton Head Italian Heritage Festival
When: November 18th, 2017, 8am – 4 pm
Where: Shelter Cove Park, Hilton Head, SC
Cost: $6/Adults, Children under 10/free
Proceeds to Benefit Local Charities with a focus on hunger awareness and organizations that provide our neighbors with the comfort, and nourishment they may be lacking .
Festival Info: Paul Caimano, Festival Chairman (412) 897-1148, firstname.lastname@example.org
IACHH President, Johnny DeCecco, (401) 524-1416, email@example.com
Meatball Challenge Marketing & PR: Triad Design, Rob Lembo & Christina Belen (843) 706-3320
*IACHH is a 501 (3)(c) non-profit organization. Proceeds from events benefit local charitable organizations and scholarship funds. Proceeds from the Meatball Madness Festival Guinness World Record Day Challenge will go towards hunger awareness specific organizations and charities that directly service the underserved in our community. More information can be found on our website here. http://iachh.org/about-us.html